I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
