I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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