this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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