I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
