My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I bet he comes in French.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
