no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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