:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
