Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
