Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Pooping to opera.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
