Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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