Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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