I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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