i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
