if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
