my mouth tastes like poor choices
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
