i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
