if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
