Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
