he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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