so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
