Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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