so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize