What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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