Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
