Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize