i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
