OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize