yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
