This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
