Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
