this beer tastes like vomit already
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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