How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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