I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
