I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize