How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
