I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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