Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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