Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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