I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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