you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
