Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
