I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
