be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
