Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
