Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's always time for handjobs
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
