I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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