He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize