Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
