Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
