WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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