well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
please don't ironically join a cult
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