Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
