I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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