It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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