I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize