Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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