Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
