how can u be prego again
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize