I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just googled if crying burns calories
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
