i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
