yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
