There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize