i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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