Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
