note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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