Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
