Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
