It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
