There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
