she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
