I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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