just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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