so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you never un-have a 4some
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
