I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
