You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
