First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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