And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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