Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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