This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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