You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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