She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
