my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
