Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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