I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
